People who make fun of 'tards are the real retards By Britney Spears</h1> <article> <h1>People who make fun of 'tards are the real retards By Britney Spears</h1> <p>Britney Spears — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:31:44 -0400</p> Know what? Starting now I’m gonna try to get out and see more movies, you guys. I’m funny like that sometimes; I’ll just decide to start doin’ something even though I don’t really know why I’m doin’ it. Last month it was shopping for goldfish and eating tons of baby food; this month it’s movies. It’s like I’m Siskel and Ebert or something, LOL!I was thinkin’ I could maybe see Tropic Thunder, but now I’m hearing that this movie makes fun of retards, y’all. So I guess the movie people are all like “We’re allowed to joke about tards ‘cause this is like a satire or whatever.” But I don’t think satire is funny if it makes fun of stuff. And anyway, the thing about retarded people... <a href="http://www.newsgroper.com/britney-spears/2008/08/14/people-who-make-fun-tards-are-real-retards">Read more</a> </article> <article> <h1>I'm tired of being compared to influential black figures By Britney Spears</h1> <p>Britney Spears — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 10:48:48 -0400</p> Honestly I'm sick of it, y'all. How many black guys are you going to compare me to?I feel like my life consists of having sex with my body guads, making sure my kids aren't dead, then disproving that I'm an influential and historically significant black guy.First it was Frederick Douglas, and I had to prove that I'm functionally illiterate. (I write my blog posts in elbow macaroni and my assistant translates.) Then it was W.E.B. Du Bois, and I had to show that I only had a supporting role in creating the N.A.A.C.P. And after that Malcolm X. But y'all know I would never recommend becoming militant to achieve one's means.The only similarity that I can see between Barack and me -- and this is a stretch -- we have similar ideas about social security reform.... <a href="http://www.newsgroper.com/britney-spears/2008/07/31/im-tired-being-compared-influential-black-figures">Read more</a> </article> <article> <h1>Sorry about that earthquake, y'all! By Britney Spears</h1> <p>Britney Spears — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 16:23:38 -0400</p> Whoa you guys! Sorry about that earthquake that just happened – I swear I didn’t mean to do that!Seriously, I was as surprised as y’all were when I accidentally caused that earthquake. Alls I was doin’ was lookin’ for a new goldfish at the pet store, ‘cause all my other ones are frickin’ stupid so I just flushed ‘em down the crapper. LOL! But I looked at that damn fish tank for literally like a hundred years, and I couldn’t find any goldfish there that I wanted; all of ‘em looked mean, and the last thing I need is some pissed off goldfish in my home, giving me drama.So I was already ticked off, and then I swear I saw two of them laughing at me. I think they were the ringleaders of all the other goldfish, so the... <a href="http://www.newsgroper.com/britney-spears/2008/07/29/sorry-about-earthquake">Read more</a> </article> <article> <h1>Incoming transmission, y'all By Britney Spears</h1> <p>Britney Spears — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:47:11 -0400</p> Bee boo blop beep beep!Don’t worry – that’s me just pretendin’ like I’m a computer, you guys. I decided to start off like that today ‘cause I got computers on my brain, and I got computers on my brain ‘cause I just heard that in the future we’ll have our brains on our computers! That’s what they’re sayin’, anyway, that some day y’all will be uploading your brains onto your hard drives or somethin’ crazy like that. Yep, I thought it was pretty cool when I heard that, too; the only thing is, it might not happen for another 200 hundred years, and by then I’ll probably too old to care. I hope they hurry up and figure this out soon, ‘cause I’ve been thinkin’ how maybe the breakdowns... <a href="http://www.newsgroper.com/britney-spears/2008/07/15/incoming-transmission-yall">Read more</a> </article> <article> <h1>Cat with three legs and no face totally overrated By Britney Spears</h1> <p>Britney Spears — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 15:05:44 -0400</p> You guys know by now that I’m a pretty smart girl, but there are some things in this world I don’t think I’ll ever understand. Like people, for example.Why do y’all make such a big deal about the most random stuff? Like the global warning and who’s gonna be the next President and all that junk; that’s the stuff you’re supposed to just pretend to care about when a teacher asks you dumb questions in class. The thing is, God has a plan for each of us, so it doesn’t really matter whether Barack Obama wants to move to China or whatever. It’s probably the same people who are all gaga over that damn cat who lost his face. What’s so great about a cat with no face? Nothing, if you ask me. I guess it’s something that he can write... <a href="http://www.newsgroper.com/britney-spears/2008/06/26/cat-three-legs-and-no-face-totally-overrated">Read more</a> </article> <article> <h1>Parents should be able to name their kids anything except Boogerballs By Britney Spears</h1> <p>Britney Spears — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 09:58:05 -0400</p> You know how sometimes you won’t like a person just ‘cause of their first name? Like, I never like people named Roger because they make me think about Roger Rabbit, and that movie effin’ freaks me out, y’all.I’d never name anybody Roger, but still I think people should be allowed to name their kids whatever they want. That’s why I think it’s lame how in Sweden they’re trying to tell these people they can’t name their 15-month-old daughter “Elvis.” I guess Sweden’s all like, “You’re not allowed to do this ‘cause Elvis is a boy’s name,” and the parents are like, “Whatever, we’re callin’ her Elvis!” But the parents will totally win, ‘cause there were t... <a href="http://www.newsgroper.com/britney-spears/2008/06/04/swedish-baby-girls-named-elvis">Read more</a> </article> <article> <h1>Happy Mother's Day to me! By Britney Spears</h1> <p>Britney Spears — Fri, 09 May 2008 13:59:33 -0400</p> Sunday is Mother’s Day, and I’ve been having all these thoughts running around inside my brain, mostly just about being a mom ‘n stuff like that. I figure I must have a pretty good hang of it now, ‘cause the other day that judge was all like “Blah blah blah, Britney’s allowed to see her sons more often now or whatever.” I was like dang; the timing’s awesome ‘cause now maybe Sean and Jayden are supposed to take me out and get me presents for Mother’s Day, right? (Mommy can always use more Louis Vuitton, if y’all are reading this.) What’s funny to me is how some people make this big deal, like OMG it’s so hard to be a single working mom. Wanna know a secret? It’s totally not hard. The truth is you don&... <a href="http://www.newsgroper.com/britney-spears/2008/05/08/happy-mothers-day-me">Read more</a> </article> <article> <h1>Headless horse robots in 2012 By Britney Spears</h1> <p>Britney Spears — Mon, 05 May 2008 13:08:59 -0400</p> Have you guys heard all this stuff about how the world’s gonna end in 2012 or whatever? I’m not the kinda girl who’s all up on current events or anything, but I think everyone should know about this story ‘cause the end of the world could affect all of us.From what I know about it, the experts on 2012 have all these different ideas about what’s gonna happen. I think most people figure there’ll be a zombocalypse (zombie apocalypse), just ‘cause that sounds pretty scientific. That’s what I used to think too, but now I think I know how the world is really gonna end.Y’all, this is the scariest shit I have ever seen! Seriously, did a bunch of robot scientists sit around, and one of them was like “Hey, let’s make a robot that look... <a href="http://www.newsgroper.com/britney-spears/2008/05/05/headless-horse-robots-2012">Read more</a> </article> <article> <h1>We can't let the cougars win By Britney Spears</h1> <p>Britney Spears — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 09:41:41 -0400</p> You guys, we need to talk about cougars before it’s too late. A few days ago, there was a cougar on the prowl in the streets of Chicago! Luckily, the police were there to shoot him before he could murder everybody, but why did we even let him in? I think Chicago’s probably mostly farmland anyway, but what if he had decided he wanted to visit Hollywood instead? And what about all of his family and friends that are still out there? These are the questions we need to be asking, y’all.Here’s the thing: cougars are like terrorists because they hate our freedom. Think about it, most cougars probably don’t get to drive fast cars or wear nice clothes like we do, so they get jealous and decide to attack. That’s why we need to stop them b... <a href="http://www.newsgroper.com/britney-spears/2008/04/18/we-cant-let-cougars-win">Read more</a> </article> <article> <h1>Crazy special power babies from India By Britney Spears</h1> <p>Britney Spears — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 12:00:35 -0400</p> Can someone who’s real smart about India please explain something to me: Why do they keep having all these crazy special power babies over there, and in America we never get any? Is there some pill they have that we don’t know about or something?Seriously y’all, I was kinda jealous when I heard about the girl with like 800 arms or legs or whatever – that was pretty wild. And then I heard about this teenager in India who’s the size of a backpack, and she’s recordin’ albums with pop stars ‘n stuff. And then these other Indians just had a baby with two faces I guess? Did you guys even know that babies are allowed to have two faces?? Anyway, I didn’t.I just don’t think it’s fair; in America, if your pregnant ... <a href="http://www.newsgroper.com/britney-spears/2008/04/10/speacial-powers-babies-india">Read more</a> </article> </main></body></html>