Hi everyone, Thom Yorke here. But I suppose you know that already from looking at the picture to the left, so never mind. Thought I’d do a bit of blogging about the tour we’re currently on, because quite frankly, I’m bored. We don’t have a TV or a radio on our soybean-oil-powered dirigible (corporate media), and I’m getting pretty sick of playing Go Fish with Phil and Colin. (Rhythm sections never know any other games.) Normally I’d be chatting with Jonny about our favorite acid house groups, but he’s meditating in his isolation tank.

Seeing as how you folks are all the company I’ve got at the moment, I might as well get a few things off my chest. There’s a lot of things in this world I don’t like, including cars, pesticides, and David Duchovny (he knows why). But a few items lately have really bothered me:

Our greatest hits album. Ugh. I’m so glad some music-industry exec stopped worshiping Satan and murdering baby rabbits long enough to cash in on our music one last time. I’m not saying I want to have everyone at EMI killed, but if one of you fanatical fans wants to do me a favor—well, I can’t really say any more.

Radiohead’s inclusion on the Time 100 List. For one thing, being in the same category with Rupert Murdoch gave me a nasty rash. For another, I’m sick and tired of hearing about how just because we gave away an album, we’re the greatest, most influential, blah blah blah. Just to show you wankers, the next album—look for it in 2015—is going to cost money. And we’ll only release it on vinyl, so you won’t even be able to put it on your iTunes and give it to your friends. Now how many of you love us?  

Finally, I hate touring. Not so much because it means we have to play in front of a bunch of people, but because of all the pollution caused by (who else, the twats) our fans. On our tour manager’s blog we listed some things we’re doing to cut down your carbon emissions, but here are some things we just came up with:

• If anyone gets too drunk or eats bad acid and ends up puking in the crowd, a crack team of specialists will recycle the vomit into compost.
• No more amps or speakers. If you can't hear us properly, just quiet down.
• If you are really into the music, hold up your cellphone instead of a lighter.
• Not only do carpools get a reduced parking fee, if you show up alone driving an SUV, we’ll shoot you in the face.

The blog’s name, by the way, “The Most Gigantic Flying Mouth For Some Time,”  actually refers to a nickname for one of Ed’s many ex-girlfriends. I’d tell you how she got that name, but quite frankly, the story still turns my stomach.